Every parent wants their kids to feel good about themselves — and with good reason.
Studies have shown that confident kids experience benefits ranging from less anxiety and improved performance in school to increased resilience and healthier relationships.
As a psychotherapist and author of “13 Things Mentally Strong Parents don’t do,” I’ve seen many parents engage in strategies they believe will build their children’s confidence.
Here are the seven biggest parenting mistakes that crush kids’ confidence:
1. Letting them Escape Responsibility
Letting them escape responsibility while you might think chores will weigh your kids down and add to their stress level, pitching in around the house will help them become more responsible citizens.
2. Preventing them from Making Mistakes
It’s tough to watch your child fail, get rejected or mess up on something. When this happens, so many parents rush in to save kids before they fall. Whether your child forgets their cleats before a big soccer game or gets a few questions wrong on their math quiz, mistakes can be life’s greatest teacher.
3. Protecting them from their emotions
It’s tempting to cheer your kids up when they’re sad or calm them down when they’re angry. How we react to our kids’ emotions has a big impact on the development of their emotional intelligence and self-esteem.
4. Condoning a victim mentality
Saying things like “we can’t afford new shoes like the other kids because we come from a poor background” reinforces to your child that most of life’s circumstances are out of their control.
5. Being Overprotective
Sure, keeping your child inside a protective bubble spares you a lot of anxiety. Allow your kids to experience life, even when it’s scary to let go. You’ll give them the opportunity to gain confidence in their ability to deal with whatever life throws their way.
6. Expecting Perfection
High expectations are healthy, but expecting too much has its consequences. Instead, give clear expectations for the long-term and set milestones along the way.
7. Punishing, rather than Disciplining
Kids who are disciplined think, “I made a bad choice.” Kids who are punished think, “I’m a bad person.” In other words, discipline gives your child confidence that they can make smarter, healthier choices in the future, while punishment makes them think they’re incapable of doing any better.
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